Saturday, June 18, 2011

a letter to God.





Dear Allah,
i know that u can hear me. im writing this blog isnt for the people to see.. i just, hardly tell people. dear Allah, syaza dah terbiasa senyum when i look at faces. regardless what i feel, i get used laughing at cute things n putting smile on my lips.

Dear Allah,
i know that im not good at acting. i do realize that people sometimes can see the 'not ok' inside me. but i dont know what to do. i really dont know.




Dear Allah,
its been a long time since im no longer writing to You on papers. i miss You a lot. well, i really feel lonely here. like i have no friend at all. even in a crowd, i feel the emptiness inside me. even when i smile, its not the true happiness. but after all, i try hard to feel the smile that i put on my face. even the happiness only stands in 10 seconds, i really wanna give the best 10 seconds smile.

Dear Allah,
i really miss You that i feel insecure to be living around with scary people. i believe that You know myself better than i do. I believe that You can feel the feelings of scared that i have towards kaum adam. Dear my Lord, i have no strength without You. protect me, please.. protect me, im totally scared of those people, of my own sins, of those bad things..




Dear Allah,
since i only live with females, i don't really know about kaum adam. i don't really know about the other half of myself, the other half of iman.. Dear Yang Maha Mengetahui, i really thanked You as day by day, You thought me about things that i don't know. im scared. of kaum adam. im scared. to look at their face. im scared. of those kaum adam every time they look at me.

Dear Allah,
i would like to find the one the other half of me.. but i always feel like there's something wrong somewhere.. i don't know, my Lord. i really don't know. it's  something that i wasn't really sure. it's like something about destiny. death, future, sins, dream, You, and i cried. i cried a lot because of lots of things. but, should i? i don't have the answers of any of those questions.

Dear Allah,
i thanked You. i thank You a lot.. I just miss You that i really need You. i have no one to hug but You. Oh my Lord, im missing You but im not ready to meet You yet. there are lots of things that i have to solve here. Dear my Lord, would i be able to settle all my debts of sins? please give me chance to say sorry.. please give me chance to meet people n ask for their apologize.. Dear my only Allah please help me.. then You can take me away..

Dear Allah,
please forgive all my sins. i thanked You a lot lot lot and a lot for giving me chances meeting good people. i was born as muslim, i was born from my mother's womb, i was raised up in a perfect family. i have a mother, i have a father, and loving loving love sisters. thank You, Allah.



Dear Allah,
im very lucky to get chances from You to keep lots of good friends. thanks to You, my Lord. i have my best friend aina who loves me and support my career and share her experiences getting through tough time. thank You, Allah. u gave me chances to know nani and saadah. for 4 years, they really care for me while i was sick in hostel. thank You for giving me chance having a big family of 800 sisters. i know that we are not that good, jauh sekali dari sempurna, but i learn a lot of things in high school. i know that we were not perfect muslimah, but that was the best 5 years life experience that i will never find anywhere else. i really thank You for giving me chance to stay there. it's not a perfect greatest school. but that was the place where i learn about makmum masbuq, practicing perfect 24434 prayer, qiamullail, and pakai tudung.. i really thank You, my Allah..


seri puteri, cyberjaya. alhamdulillah


Dear Allah,
i thanked You for giving me chance knowing iman syafiqah. i really love her. thank You, thank You, thanks to You, alhamdulillah. she always reminds me of You. Dear Allah, i hope that the ukhuwah between us will stay forever, till the day after death, inshaAllah..

Dear Allah,
i thanked u a lot to have lots of new friends in score a. You thought me about life. i thanked You for giving me such a great group of friends. kind hearted people. although most of them are not kaum hawa, but i can adapt with them, day by day. they know how to respect each other, and therefore, i thanked You a lot. i really thanked You for the precious gift that no one could give me..

they helped me a lot. thanks to You, my Allah


Dear Allah,
since years ago, i always want a baby. maha suci Allah yang Maha Agung, i can see the miracle of life when i look at babies. sgt suci, bersih dari dosa.. Ya Allah, when the day You come to take me away, i hope that i'll be leaving to see You just like a baby; as pure as baby. as u sent me to the world with lots of beauty dlm keadaan bersih, so i would like to see You dlm keadaan bersih juga,with a beautiful heart.




Dear Allah,
i hardly bear the pain in my chest. it's painful when i did sins to You, and it's a lot more painful when i regret of my wrongdoings. Oh the Almighty, yet You are still being very generous and kind that u gave me a lot of beautiful things. u gave me a beautiful family, beautiful friends. ya Allah, peliharalah mereka dengan rahmatMu, dan ampunilah dosa2 mereka, haramkanlah bagi mereka api neraka..

Ya Allah, thank You for everything. i owe You a lot that obviously, i can't afford to express them by words. Ya Allah, don't let my family and friends to be burnt by the hell fire.. i love them a lot, and i thanked You for loving me unconditionally.. i love You lots.

i know that im nobody, but i really need You, to take care of my family and my friends. Ya Allah, i love You lots.

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