Saturday, June 18, 2011

a letter to God.





Dear Allah,
i know that u can hear me. im writing this blog isnt for the people to see.. i just, hardly tell people. dear Allah, syaza dah terbiasa senyum when i look at faces. regardless what i feel, i get used laughing at cute things n putting smile on my lips.

Dear Allah,
i know that im not good at acting. i do realize that people sometimes can see the 'not ok' inside me. but i dont know what to do. i really dont know.




Dear Allah,
its been a long time since im no longer writing to You on papers. i miss You a lot. well, i really feel lonely here. like i have no friend at all. even in a crowd, i feel the emptiness inside me. even when i smile, its not the true happiness. but after all, i try hard to feel the smile that i put on my face. even the happiness only stands in 10 seconds, i really wanna give the best 10 seconds smile.

Dear Allah,
i really miss You that i feel insecure to be living around with scary people. i believe that You know myself better than i do. I believe that You can feel the feelings of scared that i have towards kaum adam. Dear my Lord, i have no strength without You. protect me, please.. protect me, im totally scared of those people, of my own sins, of those bad things..




Dear Allah,
since i only live with females, i don't really know about kaum adam. i don't really know about the other half of myself, the other half of iman.. Dear Yang Maha Mengetahui, i really thanked You as day by day, You thought me about things that i don't know. im scared. of kaum adam. im scared. to look at their face. im scared. of those kaum adam every time they look at me.

Dear Allah,
i would like to find the one the other half of me.. but i always feel like there's something wrong somewhere.. i don't know, my Lord. i really don't know. it's  something that i wasn't really sure. it's like something about destiny. death, future, sins, dream, You, and i cried. i cried a lot because of lots of things. but, should i? i don't have the answers of any of those questions.

Dear Allah,
i thanked You. i thank You a lot.. I just miss You that i really need You. i have no one to hug but You. Oh my Lord, im missing You but im not ready to meet You yet. there are lots of things that i have to solve here. Dear my Lord, would i be able to settle all my debts of sins? please give me chance to say sorry.. please give me chance to meet people n ask for their apologize.. Dear my only Allah please help me.. then You can take me away..

Dear Allah,
please forgive all my sins. i thanked You a lot lot lot and a lot for giving me chances meeting good people. i was born as muslim, i was born from my mother's womb, i was raised up in a perfect family. i have a mother, i have a father, and loving loving love sisters. thank You, Allah.



Dear Allah,
im very lucky to get chances from You to keep lots of good friends. thanks to You, my Lord. i have my best friend aina who loves me and support my career and share her experiences getting through tough time. thank You, Allah. u gave me chances to know nani and saadah. for 4 years, they really care for me while i was sick in hostel. thank You for giving me chance having a big family of 800 sisters. i know that we are not that good, jauh sekali dari sempurna, but i learn a lot of things in high school. i know that we were not perfect muslimah, but that was the best 5 years life experience that i will never find anywhere else. i really thank You for giving me chance to stay there. it's not a perfect greatest school. but that was the place where i learn about makmum masbuq, practicing perfect 24434 prayer, qiamullail, and pakai tudung.. i really thank You, my Allah..


seri puteri, cyberjaya. alhamdulillah


Dear Allah,
i thanked You for giving me chance knowing iman syafiqah. i really love her. thank You, thank You, thanks to You, alhamdulillah. she always reminds me of You. Dear Allah, i hope that the ukhuwah between us will stay forever, till the day after death, inshaAllah..

Dear Allah,
i thanked u a lot to have lots of new friends in score a. You thought me about life. i thanked You for giving me such a great group of friends. kind hearted people. although most of them are not kaum hawa, but i can adapt with them, day by day. they know how to respect each other, and therefore, i thanked You a lot. i really thanked You for the precious gift that no one could give me..

they helped me a lot. thanks to You, my Allah


Dear Allah,
since years ago, i always want a baby. maha suci Allah yang Maha Agung, i can see the miracle of life when i look at babies. sgt suci, bersih dari dosa.. Ya Allah, when the day You come to take me away, i hope that i'll be leaving to see You just like a baby; as pure as baby. as u sent me to the world with lots of beauty dlm keadaan bersih, so i would like to see You dlm keadaan bersih juga,with a beautiful heart.




Dear Allah,
i hardly bear the pain in my chest. it's painful when i did sins to You, and it's a lot more painful when i regret of my wrongdoings. Oh the Almighty, yet You are still being very generous and kind that u gave me a lot of beautiful things. u gave me a beautiful family, beautiful friends. ya Allah, peliharalah mereka dengan rahmatMu, dan ampunilah dosa2 mereka, haramkanlah bagi mereka api neraka..

Ya Allah, thank You for everything. i owe You a lot that obviously, i can't afford to express them by words. Ya Allah, don't let my family and friends to be burnt by the hell fire.. i love them a lot, and i thanked You for loving me unconditionally.. i love You lots.

i know that im nobody, but i really need You, to take care of my family and my friends. Ya Allah, i love You lots.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

kawan baik saya, paan.


We never know when will be the time God came to take us away.. one thing that we always know is that He will always be with us… always be.. well as far as I know, arwah farhan – always try to give his best to everyone around him. His friends, his lecturers, his studies, commitment, and family.  I rarely show the true feelings inside me -  I just don’t know what to do.

22nd December 2010 – syaza spend time dgn adik2 plus jiran2 tetangga yang bertangga tangga. Hehe. That was the first time syaza main bowling after about 4 months tak spend main bowling dgn arwah paan. I enjoyed the game so much with semua adik2. Well terperanjat sgt bila mia yang baru aje darjah 2, dapat buat a few strikes ngn par :) wow :)

us @ times sQuare

Bowling usually agenda bulanan since akhir tahun 2009. Bila masuk uitm, plaza alam sentral punya bowling murah sangat2 murah. Serendah rm3 per game. Seriously. But since arwah paan;  he’s gone to the other world, syaza dah tak main bowling. Well ada beberapa perkara yang berubah.


paan lee, syaza amalina. dua2 tak reti main boling haha~

Syaza biasanya shopping dgn paan. Bukanlah shopping baju2 kat mall, tapi slalu beli brg2 mkn mcm kat mydin, plaza masalam, beli sabun baldi penyapu etc. haha semuanya naik bas rapid kl. Agenda wajib, temankan paan beli tiket bas. Stiap minggu paan balik Melaka haha.

Dia selalu ajak syaza main buaian. Sebab syaza suka main buaian. Yes, syaza sgt suka kat tmn permainan. rasa mcm terbang :)

whenever syaza dah ter tunjuk muka tension muka sedih aje,
 paan cakap

"syaza, jom main buaian" 

aish. mentang2 le tasik dekat ..

kawan yg baik :)





Plus, sejak paan suka mkn sandwich kat subway, hari2 syaza kena temankan dia mkn kat subway. Pnh juga paan kluar mkn ada kwn2 lelaki yg lain. Syaza xde la join. Even diorg semua kwn2 klas syaza n syaza nmpak muka diorg hari2 dari pagi smpai ke ptg, tp syaza kurang selesa dgn diorg.. syaza ttp xkluar dgn diorg. Mula2 syaza pergi dgn paan shj, then one day dia kenalkan kat bestfriend dia, shan. Syaza xbrape selesa dgn lelaki sebenarnya, so mmg kekok bila baru knal shan. Syaza xpandang dia langsung 4 the first half an hour. But then slowly ok.


" shan, paan. 5 hari sebelum nafas terakhir "

Paan’s bestfriend, raushan. Lebih mesra dikenali sebagai shan, he’s nice. Not a perfect friend untuk paan, but when shan doing his best, shan always with paan. Cut short, paan syg shan :) When he’s gone, shan bagitau syaza lots of things. paan mmg jarang sport. Susah nk sport . syaza agak terkejut, sbb dia selalu aje main bowling dgn syaza. And dia juga nk main squash dgn syaza sbb Syaza xsuka main sorang2.. shan juga terkejut bila syaza bagitau dia, paan slalu main bowling dgn syaza, sbb paan xpnh main ngn shan.

Paan menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir pd ptg jumaat 7 syawal d hospital pantai melaka, beberapa hari sebelum ulangtahun kelahirannya ke 23. xsempat transfer ke institut jantung negara. paan dpt virus infection d jantung. punca kematian - salur darah burst d paru2. doktor baru discover, paan rupa2 nya dilahir kan dgn hanya 2 valve dlm jantung, sedangkan a normal person ada 4 valve dlm jantung. 
patutlah selama ni, paan jarang sport. dia selalu penat even turun tangga kat fakulti. tapi .. even dia penat, dia selalu temankan syaza .. paan mmg seorang kawann yang sgt baik..


But after all, the most shocking part is bila shan bagitau something that made me surprised. Jumaat 17 september 2010, paan menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir pada waktu ptg. and Malam tu, shan call syaza.

“paan he really loves you. Among all the girls he ever crush on, dia tak pernah jumpa perempuan yang dia rasa selesa gila3. He said that you are the best candidate that you can make a good wife for him”

Ya Allah.

Butir air mata terus jatuh mengalir ke pipi.. Syaza terdiam.


As long as I live, there’s a friend who really being sincere. Keikhlasan yang terpancar. Syaza tak sedar syaza syg dia. Tapi apa yg syaza perasan, syaza mmg care kat paan. Bila dtg fakulti, syaza tercari2 kelibat dia. He always kutuk n bg nasihat kt syaza. Tp dia xpnh pn comment negatif bout my past relationship. amin atau pun aizat. Even they r my past, paan nk semua org happy. dia support syaza ngn amin instead of aizat – sbb dia nk syaza happy, mmg xpnh boring dia dgr nama amin. happy n sedih sbb amin. He always gave me courage on so many things – life esp. family, relationship, studies. Dia xtunjukkn his real feelings towards syaza. keikhlasan yang benar2 ikhlas. dia even sanggup korbankan perasaan dia utk syaza. bila syaza sedih, dia juga terasa.. kwn baik mcm paan, seperti tulang belakang syaza..

" jika hilangnya dia, terasa lumpuh "

Well I dunno either paan tahu if syaza tgh tulis ttg dia, but this is true. I kinda miss him sometimes. Farhan, He is a good friend. Yes, he was. Semoga dia ditempatkan dalam kalangan org2 yg beriman, aminn..

Bila syaza pandang kat langit yang membiru, awan2 putih mcm kapas yang disimbahi cahaya mentari lembut waktu petang, bintang2 di angkasa yang luas, pokok2 yang tenang melambai2 nyaman,  angin berhembus dingin menyapa muka, syaza rasa tenang. Ketenangan itu, syaza teringat akan paan. 

Allah tu adil, tiada siapa pn yg akn dibiarkan alone on earth. ibu kata, syaza akan dapat pangganti.
one day, syaza akan tersenyum juga, sekali lagi.
May always in bless :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

tamaw sedey2, k.. take care :)

Wahai wanita solehah jangan dirisau akan jodohmu,
Kerana muslimin yang bijaksana itu tidak akan terpaut pada wanita hanya kerana kecantikannya ,
Bersyukurlah diatas apa yang ada,
Serta berusaha demi keluarga, bangsa dan agama...



hee :)

Saturday, March 26, 2011

woo0ott ~

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

 setelah sekian lamanya menghilang, kini kembali mencoret kata pada laman sesawang hidup yang indah :))

kui kui tra lala lala~
          fuhh, keje keje keje mmg banyak banyak banyak~ even facebook pn xdpt nk face selalu, apatah lagi blog hidup yang indah ini.again, tra lala lala~ hahahaha~ well actually, sejak kenal program score A ni, banyak perubahan drastik berlaku dalam hidup syaza..

          score A permulaan hidup yang baru tui tui kui kui hehehehe~ well, sejak habis spm 2008, bermula lah perjalanan kaki syaza melangkah ke gerbang kehidupan alam nyata wahhh~ xley bla .. hahahahaha~ eish panjang cerita pulak.. nanti2 lah hahahahaha jeng jeng jeng~

nak update network wa kaka kaka~

Thursday, March 10, 2011

tr0oott..tr0ooott...

dilemma, dilemme, dilemma..
              which course to choose?
                      alamak, problem juga ini waduh waduh..

maw tukar course sih..
tapi tapi tapi, masih mencari cari...
byk sgt pilihan! ad0i~

                      aiy0, nk pilih course pn mcm nk pilih laki   =.='

Friday, February 18, 2011

dia segala - galanya

universiti islam antarabangsa malaysia, uiam a.k.a iium.
indah, suka saje saya pergi sana la lala lala~
suasana yang mendamaikan.. teringat syaza pada iman syafiqah. dia yang sering mendamaikan hati tatkala sentiasa mengingatkan saya pada Maha Pencipta. masha Allah . pergolakan perasaan dalam diri, kadang2 ketenangan mengingatkan saya pada arwah. baik orangnya, semoga damai dia di sana.
Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosanya, tempatkanlah dia dalam kalangan mereka yang sedikit.
Ya Allah, apakah rasanya menghadapmu pada penghulu hari? Ya Allah betapa besar nikmat dan ganjaranmu. oleh itu Ya Allah, damaikanlah hatiku.. syaza percaya, Allah lebih mengasihi arwah melebihi insan2 di sekelilingnya.. syaza percaya bahawa Allah itu adil.. dijemput arwah olehNya untuk meninggalkan dunia, maka pasti keadilan sentiasa ada. syaza pasti, Allah sayang akan hambaNya. takkan Dia biarkan saya dalam sedih tanpa kawan akrab yang pernah sentiasa menemani. Ya Allah, maha besar kuasaMu, terima kasih kerana kurniakan persahabatan ini..
Ya Allah, tolong syaza..
Ikatkan lah hatiku kepada hambamu yang ikhlas menemaniku kerana diriMu..
Ya Allah, tolong syaza..
Peliharalah hati ini jauh dari dengki manusia..
Ya Allah, tolong syaza..
pertemukanlah syaza dengan hambaMu yang budiman..
Hari ini hari yang indah, semoga A;llah murahkan rezeki syaza.. semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan perniagaan ini, semoga Allah berkati perjuangan ini...
Ya Allah tolong syaza..
sesungguhnya hanya Engkaulah sebaik2 pelindung dan sebaik2 penolong..
Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa2 syaza..
ampunkanlah dosa2 kedua ibu bapa syaza..
ampunkanlah dosa2 mereka yang mengenali syaza.. 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

kuchi kuchi kueng kuengg ~

hari ini hepi hepi hepi :)))

          tadi pergi kat jabatan pendaftaran negara... pastu pastu kan, ada sorang pakcik ni, dia peramah sangatt.. teringat kat ayah, sbb dia lyn kite mcm ank dia sendiri hihi bapak mentua kot kakakakakaka~ btw, syaza mmg tak reti nk senyom buat2 a.k.a senyom dpn kamera.. but bila keep on communicate ngn pakcik kat kaunter 13 tu, syaza senyom senym hehehe~ tenkiu pakcik sbb gamba saya cantek ahaks!

teringat kat someone aje, sy bole senyom. apakahh?? ad0i

. hari yang baru .



tink tink
        wink wink  
                    toink toink 
                                ngee hee hee~


      hidup ni kena hepi kan? selamat pagi malaysia, selamat pagi dunia wa haa haa ..jam 5 pagi, and syaza baru saja secara official nye selesai men delete bog lama :( agak sedih, but takpe. today must be better than yesterday :)) so, tee hee hee.. knape syaza hepi ek? hee hee wink wink wink*
    
      actually, syaza rasa bersyukur sgt atas perasaan yg syaza ada ni. hehe alhamdulillah, ada ruang untuk bungebunge kat dalam hati~ acece~ past is past, sadness shouldn't be kept. oleh sbb itu ehem ehem, sila gembira :DD   tra lala lala, emm, emm, emm, belum masa nye lagi syaza gtw bnde ni hehee tunggu nanti nanti lah hahaha~ bkn saje delay delay, tapi just sebagai salah satu surprise acece jeng jeng jeng!! hahaha :D

       ingat pesan dia lagi;

                   " percaturan hidup mesti betul "
                                                hepi hepi, k :)